______________________________________________________________________________ / Lobster: \ | Everyone loves these delectable crustaceans, but many cooks are | | squeamish about placing them into boiling water alive, which is the only | | proper method of preparing them. Frankly, the easiest way to eliminate your | | guilt is to establish theirs by putting them on trial before they're cooked. | | The fact is, lobsters are among the most ferocious predators on the sea | | floor, and you're helping reduce crime in the reefs. Grasp the lobster | | behind the head, look it right in its unmistakably guilty eyestalks and say, | | "Where were you on the night of the 21st?", then flourish a picture of a | | scallop or a sole and shout, "Perhaps this will refresh that crude neural | | apparatus you call a memory!" The lobster will squirm noticeably. It may | | even take a swipe at you with one of its claws. Incorrigible. Pop it into | | the pot. Justice has been served, and shortly you and your friends will | | be, too. | | -- Dave Barry, "Cooking: The Art of Using Appliances and | \ Utensils into Excuses and Apologies" / ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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