Cowsay #4686

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/ You should tip the waiter $10, minus $2 if he tells you his name, another $2    \
| if he claims it will be His Pleasure to serve you and another $2 for each       |
| "special" he describes involving confusing terms such as "shallots," and $4     |
| if the menu contains the word "fixin's." In many restaurants, this means the    |
| waiter will actually owe you money. If you are traveling with a child aged      |
| six months to three years, you should leave an additional amount equal to       |
| twice the bill to compensate for the fact that they will have to take the       |
| banquette out and burn it because the cracks are wedged solid with gobbets      |
| made of partially chewed former restaurant rolls saturated with baby spit.      |
|                                                                                 |
| In New York, tip the taxicab driver $40 if he does not mention his hemorrhoids. |
\ -- Dave Barry, "The Stuff of Etiquette"                                         /
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